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January 4, 2010
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December 8, 2009
So last month I got a little bit older. 37 to be exact. For the past few years my lovely wife and i have been throwing a pig roast party at Mars bar downtown. It’s always a great event and a ton of fun but biy is it a shit ton of work. My poor wife nearly kills herself preparing days in advance. Rent the truck, rent the grill, pick up a 70lb pig, make collard greens for 75+ people, buy the carcoal, rush to the bar and start cooking at 6am. Slave all day, drink too much then try to clean it all up and return everything to it’s original place the next morning while completely hungover. It’s always one helluva party, but does not make for a relaxing weekend. This year we decided to do something a bit different. We rented a house in wine country with a small group of friends and decided to take the weekend down a notch…..Little did I know what was in store.
My wife and dearest friends know my passion for pork and pulled off what may have been the greatest meal I have ever been served. At home OR in a restaurant. While a handful of close friends were enjoying a day of wine tasting around Sonoma, Robert & Barbara (head chefs), Tim and Lori (sous chefs) and my lovely wife Zetta (birthday planner extraordinaire), slaved away in the kitchen from 10am to 8pm preparing the most delectable selection of pork delights ever to grace my lips.
I’ll give you the blow by blow.
1st course was a delicious ginger infused pumpkin soup garnished with sage and freshly bacon from a pork belly broiled in its own fat for some 3 hours.
2nd course Pork tenderloin wrapped with sage and prosciutto accompanied with cream roasted potatoes drizzled with Manganista gravy.
3rd course was the ulitimate: Roasted Manganista (wooly pig pork belly) accompanied with bacon wrapped green beans, parsnip puree topped with fried manganista and a veal reduction sauce
and for dessert, my dear friend Christine made Irish car bomb cupcakes that taste just like my favorite drink
(Vanilla Panna Cotta smothered in quince sauce accompanied with warmed Guinness Whiskey and Bailey’s Irish Cream Cupcakes.)
Robert and Barbara and their helpers plated and served this delicious meal to 14 guests. A huge undertaking over a beautifully decorated table. And I’m not kidding ya, this was Thomas Keller French Laundry quality cooking Boy did I feel loved. I think everyone kicked in in some fashion, be it with prepping or cleaning or just general debauchery. Checkoway and Cooper poured us some amazing wines purchased in the valley that afternoon. Being surrounded by a handful of amazing friends was just what the doctor ordered this year. And being treated to a meal like that is something I won’t soon forget.
November 12, 2009
So I wake up Thursday morning, look outside at the blue sky and smile. “It’s beautiful out.” I decide that I’m going to ride my bike to work. It’s November so how many blue sky days will we have left before the rainy season. So I am coming down Folsom street in the bike lane. As the light before me turns from yellow I have slowed down and have looked up 10th street. It is 7:30 in the morning and there is not a single car approaching the intersection for as far as I can see from Folsom all the way up to Market. It’s a ghost town. So I peddle forward and through the intersection as the light is turning red. It is at this time that a big bumbling jolly cop pulls into the bike lane in front of me and waives me over. I can’t help but think of last night’s south park episode.
Shit, it is the same guy with a white handlebar mustache that had my wife’s car impounded for missing registration last year after her car was broken into. I already hate him.
Officer: “You just ran right through that red light, you have ID on you?” as he dismounts and pulls out his little ticket book
Rick: “You’re giving me a ticket”?
Officer: “That was a pretty thing stupid thing you did, yer damn right I’m giving you a ticket”
Rick: “There’s no need to be rude”
Officer: “That was pretty rude what you did to the people at that intersection”
Rick: “What people????” (gives up) I hate him even more now.
There is no point in talking to this guy, there is no getting out of this. Technically, yeah, I guess I did cross against a red light, but the only people within blocks of this intersection were me and the cop who snuck up behind me. What I want to know is where was this traffic Nazi the countless times I have been nearly doored, killed, or otherwise pulverized in the bike lane? I recognize that being on a bike puts you at greater risk than being in a car and therefore use exceptional caution while riding. But if NOBODY is on the road at all, is it really such a bad thing to cross an empty intersection? Am I not just a pedestrian on 2 wheels? No?
Fine, you’re right. I wouldn’t have done it in my car. But I have no love for the SFPD who can’t bother to lift a finger when our cars are burglarized every other night. The same guys who turn a blind eye to every crack dealer slinging in the Mission. About a month ago walking up market street a guy was pissing on the wall of the Virgin records building about 15 feet from 4 cops on the sidewalk drinking coffee. As I passed them I let them know, “um, that guy is pissing on the sidewalk right there” They looked at me like “what do you want us to do about it?” There is something seriously wrong in this city when I am the guy the cops are spending time harassing instead of the people pissing in the streets. I guess law enforcement isn’t really worthwhile in SF unless they can squeeze a few bucks out of you.
OK I’m done ranting. Maybe this will at least be good for a laugh for ya’ll.
August 7, 2009
What the hell?
Nobody wants to get old right? But quite possibly the most sincere slap in the face will be the day that your dentist tells you….”you need dentures” I’m not there yet, but I feel like I’m closer than most. I mean seriously?…What is that?…. Spare parts?…For real? It’s not like replacing the brakes on your car,… or is it? I mean honestly? Your mouth wore out? For real? Is it directly proportional to caloric intake?

OK, ok, they aren't mine
How humbling! I can kinda get my head head around a replacement hip, or maybe a knee. Maybe these ancillary mobility mechanisms should wear out as we age gracefully. But we don’t hunt and gather so much anymore. Not in the days of takeout and microwave nutrition. They are only slightly more important than your appendix. And I live in the now. In 2009. Where one can be perfectly sedentary and survive quite comfortably with just a credit card and a telephone. We can telecommute. And many people do. With a press of 7 buttons or a few clicks on a simple internet connection, a full meal will arrive at your door in 30 minutes. So why is it your teeth wear out so damn fast? There are waaaay more dentures out there than pacemakers. Everyone gets old. Premature hair loss, wrinkles, I can deal with those. Dementia, maybe Alzheimer’s…ok, eventually. But your mouth is part of the primary system. It’s core functionality. Circulatory, Respiratory, followed by Digestive. Without teeth in your mouth, you can’t chew. You can’t even speak well enough to order soft foods. Seems like an evolutionary flaw to me that even with proper maintenance, one’s mouth can wear out before one’s heart or mind or credit line.
And with this inevitable parts replacement you have an entire smorgasbord of products to look forward to, designed to protect your oral investment. How nice … cleaners, polishes, and effervescent concoctions. It’s good to know that even in our old age we can accessorize oral hygiene. First it’s pacifiers, maybe braces, headgear, retainers, then vibrating toothbrushes, a million ways to care for your calcium chewing stumps, professionally modified and adorned with gold fillings, porcelain veneers, even diamond bling! But ultimately, your teeth are likely to be replaced by prostheses, that will need to be polished, refinished, and refurbished, like the paint job, on a classic old car. Which in a way, I guess your smile is
Did you know the health of your gums is directly related to the health of your heart? Well again I ask, what the hell? I exercise, I have a child’s low cholesterol so why are my teeth falling apart?
Which reminds me…. I can clearly recall thinking, when I was child, that a career in dentistry was a bit on the geeky path. Something short of a doctor, but above an attorney. Both careers in which owners are likely to drive a nice Benz or a Mercedes. Yet my dentist drives a Lamborghini Gallardo!!, and I drive a Volkswagen. He spends as much time on the golf course as he does in the office. Shows ya what I knew…. know…. whatever.
I cannot help but think that with every new crown, not only have I put a new prosthetic in my mouth, but also a new set of rims on my dentist’s ride.
Really?… A piece of porcelain manufactured in Mexico costs as much as San Francisco rent? I’m in the wrong business.
In case it wasn’t clear, I have bad teeth. Horrible teeth. And I’m not even British!! I know you can’t tell from my pretty smile, but I’m kinda bitter about this.
It’s not like I don’t floss. It’s not like I don’t care. It’s just genetics. I eat healthy, I brush twice a day and I’ve spent as much on my mouth in the last 10 years as I have on my car.
I’ve had 4 different dentists, in the last few years, all VERY well respected.
I already have 4 crowns at 36 years old and one of my fillings just popped out… again. Just tonight.
Shit.
I’m one step closer to dentures.
June 12, 2009
Actual conversation at Embassy Suites, Seattle, WA., Friday, June 12, 2009 - 2 children estimated at 7 and 9 years old, while waiting in line at the free happy hour bar.
Child 1: You should ask for it with no ice.
Child 2: Shut up.
Child 1: No really, ice is a rip off, especially at amusement parks, it doesn’t cost them hardly nothin to make it, like maybe 50 cents a cup.
Child2: No way !
Child 1: Yea, I mean ice is good for its purpose, it keeps it cold and all, but it’s just water, and then they fill it with syrup and MORE water… carbonated water, and its not a good deal for the money. But it’s free here.
Rick: (smiles inwardly, remembering having this conversation as a child)
Child 2: (shifts attention to woman on 3rd floor of atrium) MOM !!! IS THE DOMINOES HERE YET ?…..So what should I get? (shifting attention back to brother)
Child 1: (while drinking a shirley temple) Get a sprite with lime. Actually, get a sprite with lime and one with cherry and then we can try both. (child one runs off to wait for smaller child to bring him another drink, despite having a full one)
Child 2 to bartender: Can I get a sprite with cherry and a sprite with lime?
Bartender: Double fisting huh? You must be thirsty… where are your parents?
Woman: TROY!! YOUR PIZZA IS HERE!!
Bartender: I am sorry but we have a one drink minimum, you have to drink one and come back for the other.
Child 2: But…
Bartender: I am sorry, it’s the rules. You can have the shirley temple now but will have to come back for the other. (bartender makes shirley temple)
Woman: TROY GODDAMN IT, YOUR DINNER IS HERE, WHERE IS YOUR BROTHER?!!
Child 1: TROY!! WHERE IS MY FUCKING SODA!!?
Child 2: I am working on it, but this lady won’t gimmie it!
Child 1: (runs up to younger child with slice of pizza and makes a grab for the shirley temple)
Child 2: Fuck you, it’s mine
Child 1: Well where is mine?
Child 2: This bitch will only give me one!
Bartender: You are both cut off, where are your parents?!
Child 1 then decks child 2 with a strong right hook and grabs the soda. Child 2 begins crying and swings wildly at brother. Child 1 throws slice of pizza at child 2 and misses, hitting bartender right in the chest.
Bartender: Fuck !!! (sighs) SECURITY!
Woman: GODDAMMIT TROY!! YOU LITTLE FUCKER, (and grabs both children by the ear and drags them both off together while apologizing to bartender) THAT’S IT,… NO SUPPER!!
Rick to Bartender: You OK?
Bartender: Yeah, Fuck my life. What can I get you honey?
Rick: Jack and Coke, make it a double (leaves $10 tip)
Bartender: Aw Thanks, You wanna piece of pizza? (laughs)
Rick: I can’t wait to have kids…………
March 11, 2009
What happened to all the good cards?
Posted by rickreicker under Life | Tags: GE, General Electric, luck, Monopoly |[2] Comments

Wha What?!
It seems that lately all the good luck has run out in America. I remember playing Monopoly as a kid, learning about money, real estate, and utilities. Do you remember Chance and Community Chest? There was a mixed bag of different cards that both cost you and rewarded you on an equal basis. You were just as likely to “Advance to GO” as you were to “Go to Jail”.
Nowadays, it seems all we are drawing are bad cards. “Pay Parking Fine $30″, ”Pay Car Repair $200, “Pay Income Tax $2000″, Increased HOAs, Recession, Housing Crash, Stock market Crash! Where did all the GOOD cards go? The government is handing out “Get Out of Jail Free” cards to big business left and right, but where is our “Walk on the Boardwalk”?
The top of the check form simply read: “We overcharged you for your recent refrigerator service”
I was dumbstruck. I recall about 10 months ago, that the service seemed pricey at over $200 to replace a defunct heating coil, that resulted in the demise of our ice machine. I never thought that in this day I would see a huge American corporation willingly refund me money for an error they discovered on their part. I had forgotten all about this service and would never have been any wiser about this mistake. So big kudos to you GE. Thanks for being an honest stand-up company in a time when most people have lost faith. I’m not getting my hopes up, but maybe there is hope for corporate America yet.
March 2, 2009
The luckiest girl in the world.
Posted by rickreicker under Life, music, snow boarding | Tags: luck, snowboarding, space cowboys, squaw |1 Comment
It was a terrific day. Pristine conditions, deep snow, not too cold, not too hot, and not too crowded. I worked on getting a bit faster on my edges, Robert worked on getting me down a steep cornice and in between trees, and my wife worked on landing jumps in the terrain park. We all had our share of spills but none so much as Zetta who hit the ground so hard her skis popped off, and as we learned later, her ID and credit card were thrown from pants pockets as well.
Well doesn’t that suck? We all know what that means, a whole day wasted at the DMV? Possible Identity theft? Oh well, shit happens. We all made our way back down the hill and spent the rest of the afternoon grooving to the beats of the Space Cowboys who brought the Unimog to the plaza for the afternoon. A thoroughly good time. Many beers later as we were leaving Squaw village, the luckiest girl in the world (a.k.a. my wife) and I found ourselves walking next to a police officer on the way to our car. Being the smart ass that I am I could not resist making some kind of comment to turn his head. He was a good sport and made a joke back. My wife then made a crack about having no identity with which to prosecute us.
As it turns out, officer Larry had an ID and credit card in his pocket. He pulled them out and said, “you ain’t the only one who lost their ID today”. We all laughed at this random exchange, but as we caught a glance at the cards, we all realized that they WERE ZETTA’s CARDS ! He was on his way to the office to turn them in when our paths crossed and fate intervened. Somebody had found them in the snow on the back side of the mountain and had just turned them in. What was she, Gandhi in a former life? At the largest ski resort California, what are the odds?

Officer Larry has the goods !
February 26, 2009
The mother of invention
Posted by rickreicker under Life | Tags: 140 s van ness, invention, window washing |[5] Comments

6 years of grime !
In March of 2006 my wife and I bought our first home. It was an exciting and scary time and we ended up on the 10th floor of a condo highrise, in the middle of downtown San Francisco, with a sweeping downtown views of the Bay Bridge and Giants Stadium in the distance. We loved our new home, but what we didn’t know at the time, was that through a series of errors the building was built without the equipment necessary to clean the windows. We were told it would be resolved by the holidays of that year and we waited. The developer bought some hardware that failed OSHA compliance. The holidays came and went and nothing happened. We complained, the building replied, and ultimately, nothing happened. And “nothing” continued to happen for the 3 years that we have lived here.
Eventually, in 2008, a lawsuit was filed between the HOA and the developer and last I checked there is some settlement being discussed, and allegedly, in a few more months there will be some action. Same old story. Lots of talk. NO action. We have tried everything, involving the HOA, professional window washers wouldn’t get involved due to liability, I even tried to hire a rock climber to repel off of the roof and squeegee the windows like the people below us did when they sold their home in 2007.
For 6 years this argument has raged in the building with no results. And for 6 years, carbon, exhaust and San Francisco’s finest soot accumulated on our windows to the point that they were so black and obscured, you can barley see the beautiful view that convinced us to buy our home in the first place. The entire 100+ unit structure took only 2 years to build and in 6 years they couldn’t fix the problem? Pu-leeaase !!

a little ingenuity, and a can do attitude
Well last night I had enough. With a little ingenuity, a trip to Discount builders, $50 and some zip ties, I constructed a pressure washer on a telescoping pole that I was able to angle around the balcony on the 10th floor. We hooked it up to the faucet that feeds our washing machine and blasted the grime off of our windows once and for all. We rejoiced at the presence of beautiful illumination in our living room, even on a rainy day, not seen since we first purchased our home. The following video is good for a laugh. Enjoy the Reicker family pressure washer in action.
We can see clearly now. I cannot believe we waited so long to take matters into our own hands. Indeed, as they say, necessity IS, the mother of invention.




















